It's been one of those days.. Where everything feels rushed, but time is moving slow.. I'm walking past people I know and don't know, not acknowledging them. It is just one big blur of people and thoughts.
Is There a way to get out of this way, this bind of confusion? I'm suppose to be happy, I am happy.. I think. I'm just stuck in this trance that I can't fathom anything. I force myself to do so much, to make people be pleased of me.. I think I just need to stand up and do what I want in life and not what others want.I know that is probably a bad thing to say, but what would you do in this instance? The earliest I've been home from school was... I don't fully know, maybe six, six thirty. That was once or twice. Saturdays are sometimes my day off, but I haven't had a Saturday off for a long time. It's just so busy... Track, the play, the musical, choir, and band.. I just want to give up on half of it and just crawl into a little hole and sleep...
Life isn't all bad though. I have great friends and family. This support me, to an extent. They expect a lot out of me. Friends expect me to do great and believe I have so much potential of being great and successful. Which is a little ironic because I don't try in stuff. I put very little effort into most the thing I do, I just start out naturally better then most. I do try to be the person that people want, but It's difficult while you are in high school. I am nice to people, I don't lie when people ask me a question, I just speak what my mind thinks of. Unless it's like a terrible thing then, i usually keep it quiet. Like my preacher says, "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." I love that quote. It is very true.
So, I do not have much more time to type, so I am going to start to close this out. If anyone ever reads this, I doubt anyone will, just know that I'm not unhappy, I am not a bad person. I'm just sometimes confused and stuck in a daze. Just writing this little blog made me feel so much more. . . . real. Feels like I'm not hiding anything. The subject might be jumpy in spots, or the whole thing, but I was just typing what was on my mind. Some times it feels like I'm not good enough to be here on earth. Okay that's an exaggeration, feels like I don't deserve some of the friends and some of the belief people have in me. If you ever feel like you can't go on, or you don't feel like you have someone to trust, message me, or find me, I'll listen and try to help with whatever is troubling you..
Musically Yours,
Shelden Walker
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